DEVIANT DEFINITIONS : New words for the Dictionary

I . FASHAIN

Fashain

Fashion + Pain = Fashain

When fashion becomes painful. Yes high heels, we’re looking at you. You look sexy but hurt so bad. And you, luxury handbag. You burn a hole in our pocket, it is very difficult to shell out all that cash. Anything and everything we do in the name of fashion that causes us pain. We might do it to fit in, follow trends or because we’re conditioned to believe that if we don’t do these things we won’t be loved or considered beautiful and popular. That there’s something wrong with us that needs to be fixed.

 

II. AUNTERFERE

Aunterfere
Aunty + Interfere = Aunterfere

When a “well-meaning” aunty – a neighbour or a distant relative maybe, pokes her nose in our business. She wants to know what we are doing, who we’re hanging out with, when we’re getting married, when we’ll have children, why we came home later than usual yesterday, who’s texting us right now and how much money we are making. She might be a busybody, may have run out of fresh gossip and wants to replenish her stock or have too much time on her hands ; hence the interest in our private life. She believes it is perfectly justified to question our personal decisions and even try to influence them.

 

III. AMFUSED

Amfused
Amused + Confused = Amfused

When we can’t describe what we’re feeling. Its a mixture of amusement and confusion. Anything can evoke this feeling – a new dress, something our friend mentioned, an age old custom some people follow, architectural design or even food at a restaurant.

 

IV. FEAXCITED

Feaxcited
Fearful + Excited = Feaxcited

When we feel scared but also excited. The first day of school, moving to a new city, going on a blind date, getting married, leaving your childhood home for one of your own or quitting your current job to follow your passion. The unknown variables make us nervous but the possibilities and opportunities that promise us a different but better tomorrow have us skipping with joy.

WHAT #SexAndTheCity TAUGHT ME

This is the second post in the SATC series. Read the first one – 10 Poignant Questions Raised by Carrie Bradshaw in #SexAndTheCity here.

1. Best friends = Soul-mates

When Charlotte York observed, “Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with.” it opened up a whole new world of thought. Partners may come and go but your friends stay with you through thick and thin, so it is only natural that we accord the coveted “Soulmate” status to them !

Soulmates

Source : rebloggy.com via Giphy

2. You DON’T have to succumb under societal pressure with respect to marriage/ children

Society never ceases trying to make everyone adhere to what they think is “right”. The right age to get married, the right time to have kids, the right number of kids and so on and so forth. But it is high time we do only what’s right for us. Case in point – Miranda had a baby (and raised him) with Steve but didn’t marry him until she was certain he was “the one” and that’s what she wanted to do. She didn’t let the fear of “what people might say/ think” affect her life-changing decision.

Friends

Source 90S90S90S.TUMBLR.COM via Giphy

3. Marriages are hard work

After the big fat wedding, with the princessy dress and the enchanting venue comes the hard part. Every (Yes ! each and every single one) marriage has issues / problems that the couple has to work through. Even Carrie and Mr.Big’s marriage hit a rough patch.

Wedding

Source : vampirecircus.tumblr.com via Giphy

4. WALK-IN CLOSETS = WHAT DREAMS ARE MADE OF

If you love designer labels, shoes and a dose of retail therapy every now and then, you should definitely work hard and save enough to get yourself a walk-in closet.

Manolo Blahnik

Source http://www.thefrisky.com via Giphy 

5. It’s alright to frankly discuss sex

With people you are close to ofcourse ! Your friends and even your partner. It should not be considered shameful or wrong. Having said that, this does NOT mean that lewd/ obscene comments should be encouraged. Healthy and meaningful discussions about sex help inform, educate and ward against STDs and unwanted pregnancy.

Yes

Source : theodysseyonline.com via Giphy

6. Every relationship has problems

Everyone has issues. Trust issues, Communication issues, Over-Spending, Possessiveness, Jealousy, Anger-management issues etc. Since each one of us is flawed, so are our relationships !

Hard

Source : http://www.thefrisky.com via Giphy

10 POIGNANT QUESTIONS RAISED BY CARRIE BRADSHAW IN #SexAndTheCity

Carrie

Photo Credit: xploitme via Compfight cc

Carrie Bradshaw. The three things that come to mind when we hear this name –

Shoes. Shoes. And more Shoes.

Ok seriously, setting aside Carrie’s love for Manolo Blahniks, her walk-in closet choc-a-block with fashionable clothes and the faults in her personality (no one is perfect) ; she wondered about relationships and sex. Her musings were often given the form of questions in her column “Sex and the City”. Some of them were really powerful, some have boggled us for ages, some with no apparent answers and some we’ve all asked more than once.

Here’s 10 of them that touched a chord with us and made us ponder. Not that we’re any closer to finding answers than she ever was. If you loved #SexAndTheCity as much as we did, read on !

(Disclaimer – We are no experts, we do not claim to have answers or insights into the mysterious world of relationships.)

 1. “In a city like New York, with its infinite possibilities, has monogamy become too much to expect?”

In this day and age, is it possible for a couple to stay true to each other throughout their lives ? Esther Perel explores in her book “Mating in Captivity: Sex, Lies and Domestic Bliss” that desire, excitement, mystery slowly wane and give way to security, reliability and safety. So, can we keep the spark in our relationships alive? Can we prevent our partners from looking for excitement outside the relationship ? What if someone does not believe in monogamy, if for them polygamy is perfectly natural and acceptable ? Does everyone expect monogamy or does it differ from person to person ?

2. “Is cheating like the proverbial tree in the forest? That it doesn’t exist if there’s no one around to catch you?”

For most people, infidelity is a sign of betrayal. The lying, sneaking, hiding is often more painful than the actual act of cheating. On the other side of the scale, some believe that its alright as long as your partner doesn’t know about it. Is ignorance bliss ? Relationship expert Esther Perel urges us to “rethink infidelity”. Is it inevitable ?

3. “In a city as cynical as New York, is it still possible to believe in love at first sight?” 

Is love at first sight a figment of our imagination ? Something that exists only in romance novels, fairy tales and movies or we just too cynical to see it ? Have the harsh realities of the modern world sapped our beliefs ?

4. “Can you be friends with an ex?”

They say that you cannot be friends with an ex. That after everything you’ve been through, you can’t possibly go back to the way it was before. There are too many memories, feelings, emotions that prevent you being on decent terms with an ex. But is that always the case ? Doesn’t time heal all ? Is it not possible for us to look beyond the failure of our relationship and cherish the bond of friendship ?

5. “Inside every confident, driven, single woman, is there a delicate, fragile princess just waiting to be saved? Was Charlotte right? Do women just wanna be rescued?” 

Are all women damsels in distress, waiting for their knight in shining armour ? Is their independence just a façade? If yes, is this the result of societal conditioning where women are constantly told that they need a man to “complete” them? Have all the fairy-tales and romance filled films subconsciously ingrained the “happily ever after” syndrome in women across the globe?

6. “To be in a couple, do you have to put your single self on a shelf?”

When you are in a relationship, you share a lot of things with your partner/ spouse – you share your feelings, your dreams and future, often even your home. Does this mean you have to stay joined at the hip at all times? Is there a line where your shared life ends and your private life starts? If a partner wants some “alone time” to pursue his /her interests or meet friends outside of his/ her relationship, is that too much to ask? Is someone in a relationship allowed to keep certain things to himself/ herself or is it a given that he/ she must tell the partner absolutely everything? Is it reasonable to expect your partner to share everything with you or is a little bit of mystery actually good in the long run?

7. “When will waiting for the one be done?”

The One. The belief that there is someone out there who is PERFECT for you. So you try to find this person. Some are lucky while some are still looking. Some have created a warped image of the one and are comparing everyone they meet to that image and its impossible standards. The bar has been raised too high, which inevitably leads them to let go off perfectly good potential partners just because they aren’t “the one”.

8. “When it comes to life and love, why do we believe our worst reviews ?”

When we receive compliments, we generally thank the person in question for complimenting us. Sometimes though, we don’t believe them. Their compliment might just be out of politeness or kindness we think. Maybe they have an ulterior motive which is why they are buttering us up. When someone says something negative about us or criticizes us however, we’re hurt. It is like a bolt to our hearts. Is what they said true, we wonder. Even if uttered by someone we don’t like, we stop and consider it. We ask our friends/ family if they think the same, wanting to reassure ourselves. Why do we not give the same consideration to our best reviews?

9. “Soul mates: reality or torture device?”

Soul mate. The person who is meant for you, who you will meet in serendipitous circumstances and fall irrevocably in love with. Are they just in our minds, to make us feel better about the world, to make us feel less lonely ? Does this belief do more harm than good when try as we might we are unable to find our Soul mate? What of people who try to mould their partners into their idea of a perfect match?

10. You tell us by leaving a comment below. Which of Carrie’s questions made you ponder ?

This is the first post in the SATC series. Read the second one – What #SexAndTheCity Taught Me here.