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Carrie Bradshaw. The three things that come to mind when we hear this name –
Shoes. Shoes. And more Shoes.
Ok seriously, setting aside Carrie’s love for Manolo Blahniks, her walk-in closet choc-a-block with fashionable clothes and the faults in her personality (no one is perfect) ; she wondered about relationships and sex. Her musings were often given the form of questions in her column “Sex and the City”. Some of them were really powerful, some have boggled us for ages, some with no apparent answers and some we’ve all asked more than once.
Here’s 10 of them that touched a chord with us and made us ponder. Not that we’re any closer to finding answers than she ever was. If you loved #SexAndTheCity as much as we did, read on !
(Disclaimer – We are no experts, we do not claim to have answers or insights into the mysterious world of relationships.)
1. “In a city like New York, with its infinite possibilities, has monogamy become too much to expect?”
In this day and age, is it possible for a couple to stay true to each other throughout their lives ? Esther Perel explores in her book “Mating in Captivity: Sex, Lies and Domestic Bliss” that desire, excitement, mystery slowly wane and give way to security, reliability and safety. So, can we keep the spark in our relationships alive? Can we prevent our partners from looking for excitement outside the relationship ? What if someone does not believe in monogamy, if for them polygamy is perfectly natural and acceptable ? Does everyone expect monogamy or does it differ from person to person ?
2. “Is cheating like the proverbial tree in the forest? That it doesn’t exist if there’s no one around to catch you?”
For most people, infidelity is a sign of betrayal. The lying, sneaking, hiding is often more painful than the actual act of cheating. On the other side of the scale, some believe that its alright as long as your partner doesn’t know about it. Is ignorance bliss ? Relationship expert Esther Perel urges us to “rethink infidelity”. Is it inevitable ?
3. “In a city as cynical as New York, is it still possible to believe in love at first sight?”
Is love at first sight a figment of our imagination ? Something that exists only in romance novels, fairy tales and movies or we just too cynical to see it ? Have the harsh realities of the modern world sapped our beliefs ?
4. “Can you be friends with an ex?”
They say that you cannot be friends with an ex. That after everything you’ve been through, you can’t possibly go back to the way it was before. There are too many memories, feelings, emotions that prevent you being on decent terms with an ex. But is that always the case ? Doesn’t time heal all ? Is it not possible for us to look beyond the failure of our relationship and cherish the bond of friendship ?
5. “Inside every confident, driven, single woman, is there a delicate, fragile princess just waiting to be saved? Was Charlotte right? Do women just wanna be rescued?”
Are all women damsels in distress, waiting for their knight in shining armour ? Is their independence just a façade? If yes, is this the result of societal conditioning where women are constantly told that they need a man to “complete” them? Have all the fairy-tales and romance filled films subconsciously ingrained the “happily ever after” syndrome in women across the globe?
6. “To be in a couple, do you have to put your single self on a shelf?”
When you are in a relationship, you share a lot of things with your partner/ spouse – you share your feelings, your dreams and future, often even your home. Does this mean you have to stay joined at the hip at all times? Is there a line where your shared life ends and your private life starts? If a partner wants some “alone time” to pursue his /her interests or meet friends outside of his/ her relationship, is that too much to ask? Is someone in a relationship allowed to keep certain things to himself/ herself or is it a given that he/ she must tell the partner absolutely everything? Is it reasonable to expect your partner to share everything with you or is a little bit of mystery actually good in the long run?
7. “When will waiting for the one be done?”
The One. The belief that there is someone out there who is PERFECT for you. So you try to find this person. Some are lucky while some are still looking. Some have created a warped image of the one and are comparing everyone they meet to that image and its impossible standards. The bar has been raised too high, which inevitably leads them to let go off perfectly good potential partners just because they aren’t “the one”.
8. “When it comes to life and love, why do we believe our worst reviews ?”
When we receive compliments, we generally thank the person in question for complimenting us. Sometimes though, we don’t believe them. Their compliment might just be out of politeness or kindness we think. Maybe they have an ulterior motive which is why they are buttering us up. When someone says something negative about us or criticizes us however, we’re hurt. It is like a bolt to our hearts. Is what they said true, we wonder. Even if uttered by someone we don’t like, we stop and consider it. We ask our friends/ family if they think the same, wanting to reassure ourselves. Why do we not give the same consideration to our best reviews?
9. “Soul mates: reality or torture device?”
Soul mate. The person who is meant for you, who you will meet in serendipitous circumstances and fall irrevocably in love with. Are they just in our minds, to make us feel better about the world, to make us feel less lonely ? Does this belief do more harm than good when try as we might we are unable to find our Soul mate? What of people who try to mould their partners into their idea of a perfect match?
10. You tell us by leaving a comment below. Which of Carrie’s questions made you ponder ?
This is the first post in the SATC series. Read the second one – What #SexAndTheCity Taught Me here.